Dear William the Pig,
If you would stand out in the grass to get your bath instead of standing on the ramp trying to ram your way back into the house, the ramp will not be all slippery with soap. I will then have no reason to laugh very hard at you while you try to run into the house, but can't...cuz you keep slipping down the soapy ramp.
Also, my laughter is what brought your daddy to the back door so he could valiantly shove your rear end up the ramp until you made it into the house....so I was really helping by laughing.
Besides...I gave you two freaking treats after you got inside...so STOP GRUMPING AT ME!