Friday, June 5, 2009

William vs The Evil Air Conditioner

He lost.

We're not talking about a window unit here. We're talking about a full blown central air conditioning unit installed on the outside of the house. Still, William is 120lbs of full blown geriatric pig here. He should have been able to take it head on. Or at least not crawl under it and get stuck. Come on, William! Pigs are suppose to be smart!

It was a beautiful sunny day, which may be one reason he crawled under it. William is a pink pig, and pink pigs in the sun are like metal in the microwave: Lots of sparks and screaming. But we have trees. We have bushes. Why did you pick the shade under the air conditioning unit?

Did you choose it because there was lovely, cool dirt underneath it? Well...fooled you! That was not lovely dirt! That is where we dump the ashes from the BBQ pit to keep weeds down! Ha ha!

What bothers me the most, tho, is how my husband handled the situation. He heard the pig screaming, ran outside to see what was going on, and quickly assessed the situation as 'pig stuck under air condioner." What did he do then? He grabbed one of his legs and pulled him out.

No no NO!! How could he do that to me? You run inside, grab the video camera, and get at least 30 seconds of it BEFORE you pull him out! Have I taught you nothing in all those years of living with me? Don't give me that 'he was upset' speech. He's healthy, his heart can take 30 seconds of video!

Remember when William was a baby and got his head stuck in a popcorn bag? Remember how our youngest daughter ran and got her video camera before she saved him? I raised that child right. Remember when our youngest son fell asleep on the beach and woke up to find his sister had not only buried him, but given him ginormous boobs? Remember how he held still for pictures before leaping up to kill her? I raised that boy right. Those are movies and pictures I will treasure forever. But will I be able to treasure a video of Willy stuck under the air conditioner? No.

I've been robbed.

Okay, so Willy is a bit traumatized. He FINALLY went back outside, but refused to step off the ramp, much less go into the yard. I've tried to explain to him that the air conditioner is firmly attached to the house, but he ain't buying it. If he sets foot on grass it might get him again. This means Willy has not pottied in almost 24 hours. And since no outside means no food, he also didn't eat for almost 24 hours.

I did finally feed him. He kept following me around the house making noises like a clarinet with a broken reed, promising not to poo on the floor if I would just please feed him. I'm a sucker, I fell for it. It was just so heart wrenching, sitting there in the bathroom while he shot piteous pig squeaks under the bathroom door.

Yes, he can shoot pig squeaks under doors. He has to get on his knees so he can cram his nose right up against the bottom of the door, but he does it well. It's very amusing to watch from both sides.

Anyways...where was I? Oh yes! Ticked at husband!

Ah well, whatcha gonna do? The moment has passed. All we have to remind us of the event is a traumatized piggy, who is a deep shade of ash on one side. At least until we get him outside and give him a bath.

I'll be sure to get some video of that. :)


  1. Love your husband for rescuing the pig, and try not to think about the value of the top prize in America's Funniest Home Videos.

  2. *smacking forehead* I never even thought about AFV! I've been robbed TWICE! :)